The St. Mark’s Approach – College Counseling At a Glance

What is the parent’s role in a student’s college process?

We work very hard to empower our students to take the clear leadership role in his or her college process and hope, that parents, along with the college counselor, can act in separate, but equally important support roles. As is true with any team-oriented process, clear and consistent communication in which all parties actively participate makes for a much more efficient and productive experience for all involved. The level of contact individual parents have with their child’s college counselor varies greatly depending on the particulars of your child and his or her process. We absolutely want to hear from you and welcome your phone calls and/or emails.

So what can you do? What is your role? Where must you step back and watch your child take the reins? Where do you swoop in and save the day? Should you expect to be able to save the day? Just what should your expectations of your child be? What of yourself? What are your expectations? Are they in sync with those of your child? Whom do you trust to help you make it through the whole process with something resembling your normal level of sanity intact? Where do you begin?

We strongly urge you to start your own education on the college process by turning to the list of recommended resources we have included on our website. Find a couple of books that resonate with you and read through them so that you are ready to become a sounding board and consistent source of support for your child. Frank Bruni’s Where you Go Is Not Who You’ll Be: An Antidote to the College Admission Mania is a must read. Bill Mayher’s The College Admission Mystique is a terrific place to start. In a light-hearted, very humorous style, Mayher outlines the process paying particular attention to the delineation of roles for the various players involved. He also does a fantastic job of setting a helpful and healthy tone for all to keep in mind. Two other very helpful books are Jennifer Delahunty’s (former Dean of Admission at Kenyon College), I’m Going to College—Not You! Surviving the College Search with Your Child and Admission Matters: What Students and Parents Need to Know About Getting into College by Sally Springer, Jon Reider, and Joyce Vining Morgan.

A couple of additional points we would like to emphasize:

• Patience may well prove your most valuable virtue during the eighteen months or so that frame up the college process. There will inevitably be times when you will have to do everything within your power not to yank at your own, and perhaps your child’s hair. Recognizing this reality and preparing yourself for it will put you in a much better place.

• It is critical to remember that not every student proceeds through his or her college process at the same rate or with the same sense of responsibility or ownership. Just because your older son or daughter or a colleague’s child did things in a certain fashion or crossed a particular item off a “to-do” list does not indicate your child is behind and doomed to a less than satisfactory set of results. If you have concerns about where your child is at a particular point along the way, it will likely be more productive to have a quick check-in with his or her college counselor than to nag your child repeatedly. We would much prefer this type of check-in rather than a call comes in after a deadline has been missed or an opportunity gone by.

• Even the super-motivated, always-on-top-of-it students have their moments of self-doubt or hesitancy; it will be your calm (real or rehearsed) that will see them through.

• Resist the urge to take over. There will be times when you do need to take the lead, to help push through the inevitable rough spots, but our experience tells us that the sooner you return to a spot along side your child, and then eventually behind them, the better off they will be.

• Resist the urge to overprotect. If you can manage to just listen without always giving advice, to ask questions that allow your child to honestly share his or her feelings and most of all send a message that you trust in your child’s ability to independently navigate, you will be offering invaluable help to them. You’ll struggle at times with some of his or her ideas and plans (especially early on). Recognize this fact and then move to a position where you can help your child find a position of balance and clarity about what they want and need. The key is helping them to realize the confidence to make a choice that is authentic – one hundred percent their own. Such a position does not eliminate your role; it heightens it.

• Your child’s departure for college will obviously mean more than just squeezing all the boxes into the SUV or deciding how long to wait before converting the vacated room. Leaving home also means separating from nearly all that is familiar or comfortable. This separation also signals a clear transition for the family. In truth, the greater portion of childhood (and parenting) is ending – an exciting and yet sobering notion for people on either side of the equation. Being mindful of the emotional toll this reality will take on all members of your family will be immensely helpful to your college-bound child and your relationship with them.

What is the role of the college counselor in helping my son or daughter get into college?

We see our primary job is to support and guide students as they navigate this process; we do not “get kids into college.” This support and guidance take myriad forms and differs to some degree for each student, but the basic outline of our program is as follows: With the start of the formal counseling program in the winter of the junior year, college counselors meet regularly with individual students as well as in small groups. Initially, these meetings focus not on college, but on the individuals with whom we are working. We feel strongly that we must first help our students get to know themselves as students and as young men and women before we can begin to take on the challenges of the college search. We talk about what goes into making good decisions, where one can turn for quality resources, and how to deal with parent, peer, and societal pressures. We discuss the need for developing greater independence, stronger self-advocacy skills, and the confidence to trust one’s own decisions. In short, we pay careful attention to the developmental needs of our students as they enter this critical transitional stage of their St. Mark’s career.

After this vitally important work, we turn our attention to issues involved in college choice, such as distance from home, climate, and proximity to a city. We discuss the student’s potential to play a sport or audition for a theatre company or musical troupe in college. We examine the accessibility of professors and the level of diversity among the student body. We talk about the importance of asking informed questions. We explore issues such as the type of learning environment they feel most comfortable in, how their experience at St. Mark’s has influenced them, what their personal strengths and weaknesses might be, and a host of other questions aimed at revealing what we term “Vital Qualities.” Our ultimate goal for every student is to arrive at the spring of one’s senior year with options (plural) among places that “fit” and “make sense” according to these same qualities.

Early in the spring of the V Form, the student (with the counselor’s help) considers a number of schools, researching their academic and social environments. The first few college lists are ideally based on an on-going dialogue between student and counselor and are intended to help the student refine his or her parameters. At this point in time, we hope to encourage students to look at a wide range of institutions and to consider the many variables available in college choice.

During the fall of the VI Form, the student and counselor agree upon the final list. The counselors, working as a team, confer about each student’s college list. In this way, although you and your child may work with one counselor individually, you benefit from the collective knowledge and experience of the entire office. We spend time each week sharing information about colleges and using one another as sounding boards when it comes to helping students identify appropriate schools. Often, more than one counselor knows your child personally, through the classroom or another school activity. Being able to tap into this pooled knowledge is one of the greatest benefits of our team approach.

As we are working to finalize each student’s list, we are also paying attention to the application process itself. Our Saturday Program class is a huge help in this regard. We lead discussions on completing the application, as well as the personal statements and supplements and we offer individual assistance to students when requested on any part of this important work. We also monitor the application process, verifying paperwork is being turned in to the registrar on time and that admissions offices have all the information they need. We will help the student identify his or her strengths, suggesting that those attributes are front and center in the applications and that he or she follows through with communication to admission representatives, coaches, and/or professors. We brainstorm about possible essay topics and how to handle an interview. In short, whether in an individual exchange or a full class meeting (or both), we cover the full gamut of possible issues.
Once applications are filed, we continue to monitor each student. If there is a significant achievement that should be added to the application, we may suggest that the student forward a supplementary letter. If VI Form grades need to be addressed in some way, we take whatever steps are needed. We also stay in touch with the admissions officers, making sure that they have all the documents required and that they are “reading” the students correctly, i.e., that their particular strengths are coming through loud and clear.

How do counselors know which schools are “right” for which students?

As counselors, we spend a good deal of our time talking to college admission representatives and visiting campuses. We know which schools have been successful “fits” in the past for particular kinds of students, and we know whom the admissions people perceive as their key clientele. We also speak frequently with former St. Markers about the schools they have chosen to attend and what their experience is / was like. We are always asking questions, trying to expand our knowledge of schools we have known for many years, and trying to learn about new schools that deserve our students’ attention. The bottom line, however, is that finding the “right” schools starts with the relationships we attempt to build with each individual student. The search for schools is, when done most effectively, very much a collaborative experience.

How do college counselors support students with their essay and other portions of their applications?

In both individual meetings and class meetings, counselors support students from the brainstorm phase right through to the final product. Again, our Saturday Program class allows us much greater time and access for this important work. We do brainstorming and writing exercises; we review sample essays; we discuss the role of the essay in the application; we review mock essays and applications and we give we give students individual feedback (when asked) on their own applications and essays. We do not, however, write essays or play copy editor. The professional ethics of our national association are very clear that students should be “the sole authors of their applications and essays” and that they should not receive “inappropriate assistance.”

How do the counselors make sure that the colleges know about the unique qualities of my child?

Because we keep the individual student at the core of our work, the vitally important task of helping our college admission colleagues “get” your child is a natural outgrowth of all that we do. The primary vehicle we have for this crucial communication is the letter of recommendation that we write. For this reason, it is critical that students and counselors get to know each other well and that students keep their counselors informed about their activities and achievements. Even so, counselors draw on much more than their own knowledge of the student when writing the letter of recommendation. We talk to teachers, advisors, coaches, anyone and everyone who has had contact with the student. We carefully review student files and grade reports. Recognizing that no one knows more about a child than his or her parents, we ask that parents submit a “Parent Questionnaire” at the end of the V Form year. We also ask every student to submit a questionnaire during the summer prior to his or her VI Form year.

Another benefit of the team approach of our office is our collaborative process for letter writing. Each student’s primary counselor is the chief author of his or her recommendation letter but all three counselors read every letter. This extra step allows us to enhance letters with our own observations and insights about a student. The two pairs of extra eyes on every recommendation letter ensures that St. Mark’s is offering the most comprehensive advocacy possible for each student.

Our letters are meant to be a reflection of the total school experience for each student. While our letters are certainly different for each student, each one highlights things like the role a student plays in class discussions, the challenging projects or research a student has done, the hours he or she has devoted to clubs or community service, and the richness of his or her spirit in the daily life of the school. These letters are our chance to communicate how much we have appreciated having the student as part of our community and to show the colleges how much they will benefit from having the student be a part of theirs. These letters are confidential communication between our school and the college admissions staffs, but you can rest assured that every letter is one of advocacy and is uniquely crafted to complement your child’s strengths and abilities.

In addition to writing our own letters, we will help students identify teachers and others who will write supportive recommendations. You can be sure that if a teacher agrees to write a recommendation for a student, he or she has agreed to act as an advocate. The most critical factor affecting the quality of a recommendation is how effectively the person writing is able to communicate the specifics of a student’s day-to-day performance in class. It is more important that a teacher can speak to the specifics of your child’s classroom performance – how her or she handles the most challenging work, engages in class discussions, responds to disappointment, interacts with his or her classmates etc. etc., than the degree to which a teacher “knows” a student beyond the classroom. A teacher’s job is to bring a camera into the classroom and give an admission officer a clear perspective on what an individual brings to his or her classroom. Since colleges pay a great deal of attention to recommendations, it is imperative that students consider their choices carefully.

Finally, we will make sure students who may not be in the habit of promoting themselves understand that this process requires a certain amount of self-promotion. Discussing what information to include in students’ applications is a primary focus of both workshops and individual counseling meetings during the final year.

How do counselors make sure that the colleges know about the high academic standards at St. Mark’s?

Communicating the particulars of the St. Mark’s curriculum to our colleagues on the college side is a vitally important piece of what we do. Whether the topic relates to the change from AP to Advanced or other particulars of our initiatives in STEM, Global Citizenship, St. Mark’s Saturdays or Lion Term, we work hard to keep the admission representatives we work with fully aware of the details of our current offerings.

Building solid relationships with our admission colleagues based on trust and candor is absolutely essential to the job that we do. We work extremely hard at this task and have every confidence that when we pick up the phone to talk about a particular student or our curriculum, the admission counselor knows us and values our working relationship.

While our graduates have been a presence on many campuses for decades, demonstrating extraordinary scholarship and leadership, we never assume that ANY college “knows us.” To keep the colleges up-to-date with our current program and student body, we send a school profile with each application. The profile is designed to allow admission officers to put each applicant in the proper context of his or her class at St. Mark’s. This document, revised annually, describes the curriculum, the philosophy, and the achievements of our school and our students. It also contains many statistics about test score ranges and grade distributions and is a critically important document in keeping admission staffs informed about changes or innovations in our courses.

Nearly one hundred admission representatives visit St. Mark’s each fall. While officers come primarily to connect with our students, we make certain to spend time with them as well. We also see that they spend enough time in the building to get a sense of the highly energized nature of our student body. We encourage them to read the literary magazine and the school newspaper, and when possible, tour the campus. We also host a variety of admission colleagues on campus for programs so they can gain a deeper understanding of our school community by interacting with administrators, faculty, and parents. Finally, we also travel frequently to schools across the country, not just to experience their unique campuses first hand, but also to help spread the word about St. Mark’s.

It is important to remember that colleges seek to assess the student in the context of his or her school. In rating a student’s academic performance, the colleges compare the classes the individual student takes to the level of classes the school offers. In other words, the colleges ask the question, “Has this student taken the most challenging classes available to him or her?” Whether a particular course includes an AP designation is one, but certainly not the only way to signal the rigor of a course or the expectations of a particular teacher or curriculum. If there are no AP classes offered in a subject, there is no expectation that the student has taken one.

Why does St. Mark’s wait until the mid-point of the junior year to begin the college process?

While it is true that our direct work with students and the structure of our program does indeed begin with the start of the second semester of a student’s V Form year, the more general college process starts much earlier for our students. We now introduce V Formers and their parents to the college process during the V Form College Counseling Weekend held immediately after the fall Parent’s Weekend. It is also worth noting that with the advent of the St. Mark’s Saturday program, V Formers now have a program complete with the support of the college counseling staff as well as additional faculty members completely dedicated to creating the best possible foundation for a college process. This program enables our students to integrate the early stages of their college process into their overall experience at St. Mark’s in a way that is unique to our school and incredibly beneficial.
The individual college counselors also participate in the academic life of III and IV Form students. We serve as advisors, consulting frequently with students, parents, and teachers regarding standardized testing and scheduling, and host meetings for parents in both form levels. Additionally, we are working in conjunction with the school counselors and Dean of Students to discover opportunities within the advisory program for college–related questions and concerns to be addressed in this forum. Our less formal work with third and fourth form students is always framed by the notion that what we are doing helps all St. Mark’s students to take full advantage of the opportunities available to them during their time here. If we all do our best in guiding and supporting our students in this manner, their individual college prospects will be enhanced in a more genuine, more natural fashion.

How does the college counseling office support students with learning differences in the college process?

Our work with students encompasses all aspects of their lives. In the case of a student with learning differences, we will help the student explore how those differences may inform his or her choice of potential colleges, and we will help him or her obtain information about support services on the various campuses. Generally speaking, students and parents decide whether to disclose learning differences to colleges, when the choice is made to disclose that information, we work closely with the student as he or she crafts the presentation of that material.

Additionally, we will also work in concert with the student, his or her family, and our own learning support team as the student navigates the various standardized testing requirements.

How are college counselor assignments made?

We are fortunate to have three college counselors at St. Mark’s. We believe strongly in a team-oriented approach to our work with our students and thus collaborate very closely in all aspects of our work. We meet regularly to discuss changes in the admission process or testing requirements; we update each other about changes at particular colleges and universities important to our students; we plan the curriculum for our class meetings or prepare for evening programs we host, but most importantly we discuss our students and constantly assess how we might best support and advocate for every student in our care.
In the early stages of the fall of V Form, the college counselors speak with various members of the faculty and staff about our next class of counselees. We talk about a student’s personality and interests; assess his or her overall St. Mark’s experience to date; explore any relationships he or she might have developed with teachers, coaches, or staff members, and try in as holistically a fashion as possible to determine which counselor will be the best fit for each student. Finally, we also give students and parents the opportunity to request a specific counselor.

Ultimately, we make counselor assignments based on our assessment of what will make for the best, most productive pairing for each student.

What happens to students who are offered a spot on a waitlist?

We stick with the students all the way through this process, including waitlists. If a student is offered a spot on a waitlist at one or more schools, we have a set procedure for maintaining that student’s visibility in the admissions office. The steps we take include having the student write a letter, calling the admissions office ourselves, and often eliciting more faculty support in the form of another letter of recommendation. Of course, while the student is waiting to hear, he or she must reserve a spot at one of the schools that has already offered admission.

Is it possible that my child will not get into college?

If we all do our respective jobs well, this should not happen. As we have said, we monitor the application process all the way to the end. If a student’s college list needs to be changed because circumstances change in the middle of the VI Form, we will advise the student accordingly. If a student structures a final list that we believe leaves him or her at some risk, we will share our concerns with your child and you. Although we do not have a set formula for the design of a list, we do suggest that students carefully weigh their college preferences remembering that a balanced list is more often going to result in reaching our goal of options in the spring of VI Form. You can help your child understand the need for thoughtful, realistic planning in a process that has no guarantees.